Buzz buzz

I killed a lot of bees today. At least I thought so. They were really wasps; yellowjackets, to be precise. They were nesting within the space where my outdoor faucet pipe meets the house foundation. (I knew I should've sealed that hole long ago. It's just an invitation for insects to come in. Darn me!)

I had seen the wasps congregating around the faucet weeks ago, but cared nothing for it until I saw one milling about in the basement yesterday. So I finally got off my ass and headed to Home Depot for a solution.

"Excuse me sir," I said to a Home Depot man. "Umm, where are your bee insecticides? I have some bees that I need to kill." The Home Depot man said, "Right here." And he pointed to a spray can that read 'Wasp and Hornet Killer.' "That'll do the trick," he said. And suddenly, it was then that the funkiness dawned on me. Hmmmm, I thought. What the f*ck do I know about bees and wasps? I mean what the hell's the difference?

So I bought the can, went home, sprayed the entire contents into the hole (no doubt everyone does the overspraying thing when it comes to killing insects), and then went upstairs to Google about the difference between bees and wasps (yellowjackets really, since these are the ones that everyone confuses for bees).

In a nutshell: bees are nice; yellowjackets are not. Bees are practically all furry; yellowjackets are more shiny. Bees hang around flowers. Yellowjackets hang around garbage cans. Bees sting only once then die. Yellowjackets sting, and then sting again, and then sting again...

Remember the times when you saw these really fat fuzzy things flying gracefully from one flower to another almost in slow motion, and you said, "awww, that's so cute; it's a bumblebee." Well, you were so right. It was. And then remember the other times you saw one of these thinner flying thingies scooting around your head and it seemed to never go away. You waved your hands in the air, spun around, ducked down and eventually ran off in contortions to avoid getting stung. Yup, that's the nasty yellowjacket; a wasp.

And now you know.

My basement floor is now littered with about 15 or more yellowjackets. I went downstairs to check an hour after I sprayed and saw them all either dead or gasping for life. I smiled in victory, of course.

So here's what I learned: I'll never think badly of a bee ever again. They'll always be my sweet furry little friends. But to all you yellowjackets, I say "be afraid; be very afraid, for I shall always be pointing my spray can at you."

Now I know the difference.